I Need To Be

I Need To Be

I am sitting here in my room looking out the window, watching the days go by. I wonder what life would have been. What would I have done differently? I know, I would have made love the last thing on my mind. I have realized that they have all lied to me. They want me to be the same the same as them and I am not going to do it, it is not possible. Could they not see it? I was different and some thing of an oddity. I was a color of red in the middle of brown.
It is getting dark outside, hard to see what is happening, hard to be, just to be. I crave the thought of just existing. Just existing is just another way of saying I am giving up. Leave me a lone. I have pain, pain in me, pain in my heart, pain in my mind, my thoughts, my emotions.
Why am I here?
I cry, but no tears.
I laugh with no reason.
I hurt with no physical damage.
It seems I exist in twos.
I find myself wondering about my youth. What happen to my youth? I wish I had done, knowing, what would it have mattered. I waited for it to happen and nothing did. They told me that it would happen when you at least expected. It is when you are not searching for it is when you'll find it. Am I the only one who finds this to be crazy? Help me to understand. Why death? Why do our bodies waste away?
I have stopped growing. They say if you are not growing you are dying.
Oh, God! I am dying.
I feel that some parts of me had died.
I feel the ach of the loss.
Some parts of me are lost.
I feel the ach of the loss.
I wish that life had some meaning. No, they said it did. But they said some invisible man told them that we do. He has a plan. Maybe it doesn’t include me, maybe it does. I am the comedy. What bad comedy.
I feel the pain again. Its power is overwhelming and outstanding. I feel the hurt, the sorrow of it all but I find that logic can calm me. I have the knowledge. They do say that knowledge is power. It does have power, knowledge killed God. It killed God in me. I feel the power of the universe but knowledge lets me wonder no more.
I look out the window. I see the darkness, but that is all that it is, darkness. We all have to face it; we all have to fear it. We cannot control it. It is its own master. It has no face, no thought, just is.
I look out the window and see the sun rise. No mystery there. It comes and it goes. No magic. Logic, logic the light is out there. I have found no equal.
I look out the window and find myself needing to open the world to me.
I need to be.
-fred

Long Lost and Found Friends FFS#32

Now Playing!!!! Fantastic Fred Show #32

Hey it is me again, doing a show by myself. Well I talked about the past and I have found a long lost friend of mine. Well She found me. Casey from England, found me through my space. I guess you can find anyone and about Everyone on My Space. Sit right back and enjoy the show.

The Church of Lexington Gay Pride

Now playing Fantastic Fred Show #31

Still at the lexington Gay pride. This time this is our interview with all the church group at Pride. To most people religion is very important. And it is important to see Churches in the area that embrass the gay culture.

Lexington Gay Pride FFS#30

Now Playing!!!! Fantastic Fred Show #30.
Welcome, this is our Lexington Gay Pride Show. Just two interview and more to come, just stay tune.
HAPPY GAY PRIDE.

I HEAR DRUNK PEOPLE FFS#29

NOW PLAYING!!!! FANTASTIC FRED SHOW #29: I HEAR DRUNK PEOPLE.
Ok we are all drunk. My sister, Stephanie, was in the room and her friend Leslie. The lesbian are in the house. Just having a good time and really this podcast is about nothing. I promise that the next show will me just me and we well talk about what is going on in my life and my family.

Cling Close to the ones you love FFS #28

NOW PLAYING!!!! FANTASTIC FRED SHOW #28: CLING CLOSE TO THE ONES YOU LOVE
For the the love of god, lets get close to our family. I mean our friends and kindred. Both are important. Hey, It is gay pride month, lets party. I am going through a difficult time. I will not be going to Atlanta Pride. I will miss it greatly. My family has to come first. Love to you all, I will be at the Louisville Pride. See Ya There.

I'm Going Blind FFS #27

Fantastic Fred Show #27 "I'm Going Blind" With your Co-Host Fantastic Fred, Wondering Wanda, and Tamara your Political Mind. Starring Gary.

FFS# 26 Lesbians Has Birthday, Gay Men Don't.

Wild and Crazy people. Gary is back to grace us with his presence. Lets give Tamara a Very happy birthday. IT IS AMAZING THAT WE GAY PEOPLE ARE BORN AND NOT CRAWL OUT OF THE CENTER OF THE WORLD.

Nuestra conjetura, nuestro país, nuestro odio FFS#25

Fantastique fred l'exposition #25 (The show is in English)

National Anthem (In French-my French is a little rusty)
OH, parole peut vous voir, par la
première lumière de l'aube, ce que tellement fièrement nous a
grêlé à dernier briller du crépuscule ? À qui larges raies et
lumineux tient le premier rôle, par le combat périlleux, O'er les
remparts que nous avons observés, coulions tellement vaillamment ?
Et la lueur rouge des fusées, les pannes éclatant en air, a fourni
des preuves par la nuit que notre indicateur était toujours là.
Est-ce que parole de O, ce drapeau pourtant vague O'er de
tenir le premier rôle-spangled la terre du libre et de la maison du brave
?

Sur le rivage, faiblement vu par les brumes du profond, où l'hôte
hautain de l'ennemi dans le silence de crainte repose-t-il, qu'est-il
cela que la brise, o'er le raide trés haut, car elle souffle
fitfully, moitié cache, moitié révèle ? Maintenant elle attrape la
lueur du premier faisceau du matin, dans pleine par gloire maintenant
reflétés des éclats sur le jet : 'Tis le drapeau de
tenir le premier rôle-spangled ! O long peut il onduler O'er la terre du libre et
la maison du braver.

Et où cette bande qui a tellement vauntingly juré que le ravage de
la guerre et la maison de la confusion A de la bataille et un pays
devrait ne nous laisser est-elle pas plus ? Leur sang a éliminé la
pollution de leur marchepied fétide. Aucun refuge n'a pu sauvegarder
le laquais et slave de la terreur du vol, ou la tristesse de la
tombe : Et le drapeau de tenir le premier rôle-spangled dans la vague O'er de doth
de triomphe la terre du libre et la maison du braver.

Ah ! ainsi que ce soit jamais, quand les citoyens d'honneur se
tiendront entre le leur a aimé les maisons et la désolation de la
guerre ! Blest avec la victoire et la paix, peut l'éloge ciel-sauvée
de terre la puissance que le hath nous a faite et a préservée une
nation. Conquérez-alors nous doit, quand notre cause il est juste, et
ce soit notre devise : "dans Dieu est notre confiance." Et le drapeau
de tenir le premier rôle-spangled dans le triomphe ondulera O'er la terre du libre
et la maison du braver !

WHAT IS THE MOST HONORIABLE THING, TO HAVE A CULTURE THAT LOVES YOU SO.

Gay Anonymous Association FFS#24

FANTASTIC FRED SHOW #24. I have both of them back and we are on fire. Just like a Indigo girls song we are queer as folk. We talked about our fellow kindred that was kicked out of his school for being gay. WE ARE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT, SO LETS MAKE LIKE THE POSEIDON AND LETS ROCK THE BOAT. DOWNLOAD US AND SIT RIGHT BACK FOR SOME DOWN HOME LISTENING FUN.